I always knew I would work. I am pretty motivated and had lots of “career goals”. I always wanted kids too, but just figured I would still work and it wouldn’t be a big deal. Well that was before Colton. I am a “working mom” and this has been a HUGE struggle and heartbreak for me. Without spilling all our finances out, I am not working by choice. Staying home simply is not an option. But I never thought it would be this hard. I feel like his life is passing by I want to be there for every second. I carry a huge amount of guilt which affects other areas of my life. I have a much harder time leaving him on weekends to have a “date night” even though I know how important they are for my marriage. I cry every time I leave him to go see friends even though I know how much I NEED my friends in my life.
We have been SO blessed in that Justin’s aunt lives 4 minutes away so she watches him. There he is able to stay with family and play with his cousins without having to go to daycare. I can remember the first time he cried when I picked him up. He was about 10 months old. She was holding him and I took him to leave and take him home and he cried. He was screaming for her calling her “mama”. You can imagine how that made me feel. I can’t even tell that story without crying. I cried that WHOLE night.
Not that I think working is a bad thing. I just can’t help but think “what am I missing”, “what is he doing right now”.
Even with my “working mom” broken heart” and the guilt I carry, I can see some positive things he is getting with me working. When we are home it is all about him. No chores, no tv. It is all about playing and talking and interacting with him. The time we have with him is all quality. I also see a lot of independence in him because I work. He knows how to interact with other kids. He knows sharing and authority because of going to preschool with my mom.
Those are the things I have to focus on to get me through the day. If you are or will be a working mom, don’t let the guilt overcome you like I have, take pride in the job that you do. If you are a stay at home mom, take pride in that too. By no means do I think the stay at home mom has it easy. I know it can be hard too.
I guess all of us moms need to focus on our blessings. A blessing I can focus on is my son is here and he is healthy. Not every mom can say that and I refuse to take any moment for granted.
We have been SO blessed in that Justin’s aunt lives 4 minutes away so she watches him. There he is able to stay with family and play with his cousins without having to go to daycare. I can remember the first time he cried when I picked him up. He was about 10 months old. She was holding him and I took him to leave and take him home and he cried. He was screaming for her calling her “mama”. You can imagine how that made me feel. I can’t even tell that story without crying. I cried that WHOLE night.
Not that I think working is a bad thing. I just can’t help but think “what am I missing”, “what is he doing right now”.
Even with my “working mom” broken heart” and the guilt I carry, I can see some positive things he is getting with me working. When we are home it is all about him. No chores, no tv. It is all about playing and talking and interacting with him. The time we have with him is all quality. I also see a lot of independence in him because I work. He knows how to interact with other kids. He knows sharing and authority because of going to preschool with my mom.
Those are the things I have to focus on to get me through the day. If you are or will be a working mom, don’t let the guilt overcome you like I have, take pride in the job that you do. If you are a stay at home mom, take pride in that too. By no means do I think the stay at home mom has it easy. I know it can be hard too.
I guess all of us moms need to focus on our blessings. A blessing I can focus on is my son is here and he is healthy. Not every mom can say that and I refuse to take any moment for granted.
you are such a great mom carrie! i know it's hard sometimes, but you've managed to raise a wonderful boy, while working too. colton loves and appreciates you so much, even though he might not be able to put it into so many words just yet. don't beat yourself up about anything! everything is for him to have the best life, and he will realize you have had, and always will have, his best interests at heart. don't feel guilty carrie, you do such an excellent job. not to mention you are so good at all of the other mom/wife things (that justin won't always do) like cleaning. i can only hope i can be as good of a mom as you are someday. i love you!
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ReplyDeleteCarrie, you are a wonderful mom! I know choosing to go out with friends on the weekends has to be tough. I admit, I do miss getting to see you whenever I want. That's my selfish side, I guess. Just know that you are not alone... one day all of your friends will have some kiddos. We'll have family gatherings that give our kids time to play while the adults have fun too. Remember, you can't wait till your 30s... and that's because there are sweeter times ahead.
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